His Glory is My Reward

August 4-17- Ground school –die well by living well .

“If anyone wants to come with Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life because of Me will find it.” Matthew 16:24-25

DAY 1-

 Whoa. Intensity. In shock. Really have no idea what I am doing here but I’m trying to see your purpose God.

After a night of what felt like being issued into the military which included receiving gear, sitting in a hallway crisscross applesauce, knife hands on knees studying a handbook for three hours, and receiving commands; I awoke to the screeching sounds of people screaming and banging pots & pans. Working through my confusion and frustration I got dressed and was ordered to line up in formation outside at the crack of dawn. We spent the day learning to march. Later we had PT (physical training) in which I ran two miles for the first time in months. I felt like crap and finished on the verge of puking. However something important I learned was rather than focusing on my problems and obstacles I should start looking at those around me to see how I could encourage them.

For lunch I had to get over my flesh and try to keep down sardines, Fritos, and condensed milk. Not to mention the bland uncooked oatmeal we had for breakfast.  Along with putting away my displeasure, I also was faced with the realization that sometimes in other countries we will be given what seems “disgusting or the worst” but really in that culture it’s the best they have to offer. So learning to accept whatever is put in front of you is necessary to keep a good witness and testimony.

Tonight we were given responsibility of gidons (flags). Each night we were expected to come up with a rotation schedule for guard duty. At our posts we were responsible of guarding the flag, having to stay alert and aware so that no prowlers would steal our gidon. And let me tell you they would come out of nowhere trying to steal our precious flags. This resulted in sleep deprivation; you can imagine the hallucination that took place and the difficulty it was to keep our eyes open. The determination to stay awake was great because the punishment for losing a gidon was to be “smoked” with pushups and flutter kicks the next morning. This lesson of responsibility prepares us to be awake and aware of our surroundings whether we feel like it or not. We should always be on guard and ready to give an account, looking after not only ourselves but our brothers and sisters around us.

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 2:3-5

I want to understand fully what it means and how to live by “His glory is my reward”. Knowing and comprehending that as a follower of Christ it shouldn’t matter that I get a reward or blessing here on earth, even in heaven. I should be completely satisfied in knowing because God is being glorified in my life, THAT is my highest reward and honor I could ever receive. Not only for what He did but for who He is.  Lord please give me strength.

It’s only been the first day and its felt like a YEAR!

DAY 2- Honestly, God, I have no idea how the heck I am going to make it through this. I’m only on day two and I am already exhausted. I need your patience and endurance. May your strength be shown through my weakness. I can only do this with your help, I already have nothing left to give. Please provide in the way you only know how. I pray that you would help me to continue giving 100%.

Today physical training was at 5:30am and we did this workout called insanity after army crawling uphill. Embrace the suck. Struggling to stay awake during our teachings in the classroom we tried taking notes on Fusion’s foundation. My roommate was hilarious because she kept dozing off and would end up scribbling nonsense in her notebook which later on brought laughter.

Teambuilding exercise. Blind folded we were led to complete a task to build something with the items being given. Lesson learned: communication and paying attention to detail is important and key.

Instead of black cargo pants, army boots, tan t-shirt, boonie (hat), and camelback (backpack); we got to wear normal clothes! Yay! Making our way along the streets of Kansas city evangelizing and praying, we ended up talking to two girls who were artists and a guy in a wheelchair. We also had an encounter with a guy who said to be a believer but had a lot of opinions about theology and admitted to not praying in a while. I feel like God used this time to help me work on talking with others being interested in them and open to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Listening to music on the way home was precious and beauty to my ears. And during guard duty God provided me with encouragement. IT IS WORTH IT. DON’T GIVE UP. YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES YOU STRENGTH. Philippians 4:13

DAY 3-

Physical training. Indian run and suicides. Repelling off a cliff! AH! I was so nervous. Ate dinner with our hands …yum. Hiking exercise. Through this I learned that when we see something that should be done or needs to be done or changed we step up and take initiative to do it. Also when life it sucks, we embrace the suck and look to others to see what we can do to pray for or encourage them in. There is always someone with a bigger problem and I believe God has given me a compassionate spirit for certain people. 

Lord Jesus I am ultimately surprised that I have gotten to day 3 without breaking down and crying. I can definitely say that being sleep deprived is the hardest thing for me because I can’t focus. At the end of this process I can say that it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life. Lord I pray for physical healing and restoration in everyone’s bodies. I know we are all so sore and weak. Please begin to strengthen and renew our muscles. Take away exhaustion and anything that is getting in the way or holding us back from fully experiencing you God. And I know it’s not about feeling but it’s been so hard because I don’t feel you in this. Please show your face to me. I want more of you. All of you. It’s also hard without getting physical affection and having people yelling at me. I feel somewhat empty and alone. Challenge me to break that selfishness and reach out to comfort others around me. I ask you to be my comfort, God, so that I am completely satisfied. Give me your eyes and ears. Help me to see with your perspective and mindset. I want to be more like you Jesus. Crucifying my flesh, like Paul, counting everything a loss for the sake of Christ. Putting down what I desire and prefer, surrendering to what God says. Obedience=repentance. 

“I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6

I will NOT QUIT. He will finish His work in me.

“I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:18-21

I want to be as passionate as Paul was for the gospel. Honoring God in whatever I do whether life or death. 

“I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel.” Philippians 1:27

I pray that we would bond together in unity. Working as a team of like mind to accomplish your will God.

“For the sake of Christ you should not only believe in Him but also suffer for His sake.” Philippians 1:29

We need to practice what we believe no matter the cost. Am I willing to sacrifice myself for the cause of Christ and for the sake of the gospel?

Being satisfied in the Lord brings Him most glory.

Lord, give me strength to be obedient, submissive and faithful to persevere to the end. Take away all distraction. Help me to push through and dig deeper.

DAY 4-

Today I was reminded that HELL is REAL. It is a place of utter darkness, an absence of light, God’s presence. Light even if it is small outweighs the darkness. When there is light present, the darkness must bow. We are not the light. The only way we have light is because Jesus lives inside of us.

 I am here because there are people DYING in this world and God has asked me to step up to the plate, lay aside my selfishness and comfort in order for others to hear about Christ and be saved from the pit of hell.  I do not deserve to be used. My final destination should be hell. That is what I deserve yet the gift of salvation was given so freely and willingly. How I take that for granted. Wow. You are so good, gracious, and merciful my Jesus.

DAY 5-

The Fusion process is losing innocence while maintaining godliness to gain knowledge and experience. It is learning how to become a godly adult in the midst of a self-centered world.

 8 mile hike=swollen hands and sore feet. Thank you, God, for the delicious breakfast of pancakes and bacon. Then got to dress like a girl and go downtown to eat African food and knock on doors. During the outreach my team got to talk with an Iraqi family that was sitting in their backyard. The father was very open and even invited us in to eat figs and see his garden and collection of pigeons. It was really cool talking with him and showing them the love of Christ.

DAY 6-

PT with rocks. Ahhh.

Packed for a weekend away! Drove for a few hours and got to a park where we hung out and played football for a while. Then we slept at a church and got to have some chill timeJ

DAY 7-

“Fusion: Where boys become men and so do the girls.” L

CLIFF JUMPING!!! My heart was pounding but I jumped twice and it was fun! 

My devotional today was from the utmost for His highest… “God places His Saints where they will bring Him the most glory and we are totally incapable of judging where that may be.”

It’s hard for me sometimes when I don’t feel like God is using me, but God doesn’t call us to where we will be of greatest USE. He calls us to where we can bring HIM the most GLORY! Whoa. His glory IS my reward.

I want to be so caught up in my Jesus that when others meet me they can’t help but notice Jesus too.

Savior I come, I quiet my soul. Remember redemptions hill where your blood was spilled for my ransom. Lead me to the cross where your love poured out. Bring me to my knees Lord I lay me down. Rid me of myself, I belong to you. Lead me, lead me to the cross.

“Prayer is a conservation of time. Instead of thinking of everything you have to do, spend time praying for strength so that God may give you what you need to accomplish things.” –Utmost for His Highest

Bless the Lord, Oh my soul, ohhh my soul. Worship His Holy Name. Sing like never before, oh my soul. Worship Your Holy Name. Psalms 103

DAY 8-

Set up camp to live outside for the rest of the week. Collected firewood, pitched tents, dug holes for latrines and fire pits, and made shower huts. Cooked all of our meals over the fire.

I can still be here and waste my time. Am I dedicating and living for God like today could be my last? We need to FIGHT for each other’s sanctification and holiness.

“You will find yourself at your wits end but at the beginning of God’s wisdom! Don’t panic when you get to this place. Stand true to God and He will bring you out His truth in a way that will make your life an expression of worship. Make determination to trust God.” –Utmost for His Highest

There is a time that must come when we are focused with responsibility and questions that no one can answer but ourselves. The time must come when our leaders and guides will leave is and we must step up and handle things alone. This is when we remember and put into practice everything we’ve learned.

Lord give me your wisdom that I might be steadfast and true, making godly decisions. I want my life to be an expression of worship to you my Jesus. Devoted completely and only to you letting nothing and no one stand in the way or be a distraction. I want to be close to you and put you first in my life. I long and desire to know you more. I ask that you continue to grow and teach me more and more. Thank you for your love Oh Lord and for how you take care of me.

Wow. God do I really have confidence in you to trust you even in the midst of crisis or hard circumstances? “We come to our wits end showing that we don’t have even the slightest amount of confidence in Him or His sovereign control of the world. If we have learned to worship God and place our trust in Him, crisis will reveal that we can go to the point of breaking, yet without breaking our confidence in Him. Sanctification will be expressed in our lives as a peaceful resting in God, which means total oneness with Him. And this oneness will make us not only blameless in His sight but a profound joy to Him.” –Utmost for His Highest

Jesus I want to be sanctified and holy. “Create in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Cast me not from your presence and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit. For you do not delight in sacrifice or I would give it. You will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifice of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, Oh God, you will not despise.” Psalms 52:10-12 &16-17

God break my heart for what breaks yours. May I be poured out as a drink offering so that I am nothing and you are my everything. Make me whole and new. More like you in all I do. Not holding back or hoping for the future but taking in what you are showing and revealing to me now. Giving my focus completely to you. Seeking your face and searching out your truths to fill me with strength, hope and grace.

DAY 9-

Worked all day with campus ops to help make the campus look presentable and nice. Late night log PT. Interesting.

DAY 10-

Jogged a 5K. GPS training. Map training. Received gloch knives. Had an interesting dinner.

DAY 11- Don’t quite remember anything after this day everything started to blend together. We were put onto our teams and told our locations where we are ministering overseas. We then went through a series of events with our team called the exodus. It was very hard and challenging physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. We were running on little energy, food, and no sleep. During this time the only person we could rely on was God for our strength and that is the only way we made it through.

After it all, we were given a celebratory meal . Hot shower and bed never felt so good and refreshingJ

To say the least Ground school was the hardest thing I’ve done yet it has been the most accomplishing. I’ve grown so much through it and it taught me so many things.

As a follower of Christ: I am called not to comfort or success but to obedience.  Consequently my life is to be defined not by what I do but by who I am. Henceforth: I will proclaim His name without fear, follow Him without regret, and serve Him without compromise. Thus: to obey is my objective, to suffer is expected, His glory is my reward. Therefore: to Christ alone be all power, all honor, and all glory that the world may know. Amen.